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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

For Those of Us With Lives: Your Weekly NHL Up-To-Speed (10-20-10 to 10-27-10)

The KHL is drawin' 'em like bugs to a light.  I'm just waiting for some coach to go over there and revive his career, a la Bobby Valentine.  I'd suggest Melrose, but I think you actually have to have a career in order to revive it.

The News
It rained hatties over the week, with Stevie Stam, Alfie, and a bunch of guys without nicknames (Rene Bourque, John Tavares, Brad Richardson, Alexander Semin, and Lee Stempniak) all posting trifectas over a span of three days.  I guess the '80s really are back.  Now if someone could just tell Fred Savage before he starts shooting.

Starting to see a lot of articles like Mike Chen's again, analyzing controversial hits side-by-side and looking at the NHL suspensions that have been levied.  To be honest, I'm tired of even debating the point.  The league has a Wheel of Discipline.  Guess what?  It has always had a Wheel of Discipline.  It's just more fashionable to talk about it right now.  We can choose to be outraged, or acknowledge that there is little we can do outside of getting outraged and just deal with it.

Big-time props to Alfie, by the way, scoring all 1,000 points on a roller-coaster of a team in Canada's capital.  All three goals were things of beauty, even the empty-netter:

Not much else for hockey highlights.  I guess everybody has to just stop sucking.

As Steve Buscemi says in Fargo, "Whoops!"

Self-Important Thoughts Section
- Just realized the refs really blew the whole Rypien thing.  That was definitely a hold.

- Torts: "We are in the process of creating our identity as a hockey club."  First off, shouldn't you be doing that in the preseason?  Secondly, any identity involving Derek Boogaard getting paid $1.65 million and playing 3 minutes per game, rolling Ruslan Fedotenko like a scoring threat, and seriously considering Erik Christensen as your top center needs to seek counseling.

- More trouble in Ranger paradise.  Torts and Sather at loggerheads, Fonzie needs to go out in a blaze of glory, killing Sather with a water bottle.  Help us all, Fonzie, or sit on it.

- Hartnell received a haircut.  He looks like a ginger preppy, aka geppy.

- There's nothing more satisfying than hearing Bob Probert's voice call to us from the afterlife.  What's that, Bob?  "Bettman's a friggin' asshole."  RIP, sir.

- Steven Tyler is so soulful.  Seriously though, Steven Tyler and a cappella have all the compatibility of a wolverine and Teddy Ruxpin.

- Next source for snooty assholes who drink 5 dollar bottles of water?  The moon.

Tweet of the Week
Slow week on the funny, peeps...
"For sale: one in-home bowling alley, slightly stained with preacher blood.  #DanEllisGarageSale"
- Fake Dan Ellis (@fakedanellis)

Fantasy Time (Yahoo standard scoring)
Top Goalies Last Week
Jaroslav Halak - 2 GP, 2 W, 0.99 GAA, 96.4 SV%, 1 SHO --- 95% owned
Carey Price - 3 GP, 2 W, 1.65 GAA, 92.6 SV%, 1 SHO --- 80% owned
Martin Brodeur - 3 GP, 1 W, 1.59 GAA, 94.7 SV%, 1 SHO --- 99% owned

Top Left Wings Last Week
Thomas Vanek - 4 GP, 4 G, 1 A, 0, 2 PIM, 3 PPP, 15 SOG --- 95% owned
Scott Hartnell - 4 GP, 2 G, 2 A, 3, 16 PIM, 0 PPP, 7 SOG --- 79% owned
Dany Heatley - 3 GP, 1 G, 3 A, -1, 6 PIM, 4 PPP, 8 SOG --- 100% owned

Top Right Wings Last Week
Rene Bourque - 4 GP, 5 G, 2 A, 1, 6 PIM, 2 PPP, 18 SOG --- 66% owned
Daniel Briere - 4 GP, 2 G, 2 A, 3, 6 PIM, 2 PPP, 19 SOG --- 93% owned
Milan Hejduk - 3 GP, 3 G, 3 A, 0, 4 PIM, 3 PPP, 14 SOG --- 29% owned

Top Centers Last Week
Henrik Zetterberg - 2 GP, 3 G, 3 A, 5, 0 PIM, 2 PPP, 11 SOG --- 99% owned
Steven Stamkos - 3 GP, 3 G, 3 A, 3, 2 PIM, 2 PPP, 11 SOG --- 100% owned
Anze Kopitar - 4 GP, 3 G, 2 A, 0, 0 PIM, 3 PPP, 16 SOG --- 96% owned

Top Defensemen Last Week
Steve Montador - 4 GP, 1 G, 3 A, 5, 4 PIM, 1 PPP, 13 SOG --- 23% owned
Dustin Byfuglien - 3 GP, 1 G, 2 A, -2, 19 PIM, 2 PPP, 12 SOG --- 73% owned
Lubomir Visnovsky - 4 GP, 1 G, 5 A, 1, 6 PIM, 0 PPP, 6 SOG --- 81% owned

Advice:  Jump on the Bourque and Hejduk bandwagons immediately.  Wings (especially on the right side) are too thin to let go.  Both players are legit talent.  Ignore the Steve Montador thing; 7 of those shots were in one game, and he's had mini-hot streaks before.  Nothing to get over-confident about.  Byfuglien is always intriguing, but his recent value was all because of the pims.  I dropped Visnovsky earlier this week, and looking at his shot and power-play point totals, I'd do it again.  

Have a fun, safe Halloween.  Remember, always wear a costume you'd be willing to get drunk in.

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